What to Expect during Life Coaching
It Might Not Be What Your Expect!
Life Coaching is becoming very popular. Yet, if you ask five people what to expect during a coaching session, you’re likely to get five different answers. However, there’s a common thread (or two) that runs through most life coaching. If you enter a coaching relationship understanding the essential components (threads), you’ll get the most out of each encounter.
Most Life Coaches have received some specific training. It’s best to seek out someone with a minimum amount of training (more on that in another post). However, there is no requirement for coach training or certification, so you’ll be sure to find some people who point out that Tony Robbins, the highest-paid “coach” in the United States, has no certification or training (that point isn’t valid).
So why is it important that you know how your coach was trained? Because the training sets the pattern for the coach’s practice and relationship with you. It also helps set your expectation on what you might get for the money you shell out.
First, the most important thing you need to understand about coaching. You talk, the coach listens! In the average coaching session, you may talk at least 75% of the entire session. (A session can run from 30 minutes to a full hour.)
Coaches certified through the International Coaching Federation (ICF) are uniquely trained to listen to you. Listening is often referred to as a “soft skill.” It’s not something that’s taught as much as caught. But when coaches go through the ICF certification process, they must have a certain amount of listening skill development before they ever begin to work with you. (Just like a nurse practices giving injections or bandaging on a mannikin before they start seeing patients.)
Coaches do not just hear what you say. They watch your body language and facial expressions. They listen to the tone of your voice, and they will point out changes in your voice as they occur. You might call it deep listening, and it focuses on what you’re saying and not saying. A good coach is never thinking about the follow-up question while you’re talking.
But when a coach does talk, it might be something as simple as, “Tell me more” or “What does that look/feel/sound like.” And you begin to talk some more!
It’s common for me to hear two statements from people I coach: “I think I talk too much,” and “I’m not sure that I answered your question.” Understanding what the coach is doing might help you with those two statements.
We’re used to conversations with friends where both of us talk about equally during our time together. Most of us don’t like it when a person monopolizes the conversation. Yet that’s exactly what your coach is trying to get you to do! A coach can’t listen deeply and asked pertinent, deep questions if you’re not talking.
In our encounters with others throughout life, there always seems to be a specific answer to a question that we’re asked. We even have a “memorized” reply to the standard “How are you today?” question. (“Fine.”) We say we’re fine even when we’re not because we assume that’s the answer the person is looking for.
But in coaching, questions can often be vague because the coach wants the information that you might be holding back or that you might not even be aware of. So, a coach’s question is asked, you spend several minutes responding, and then say, “I’m not sure I answered your question.” Because we’ve been presented with a question that goes deep into our soul and comes out with something unexcepted.
As the coaching time begins to close, the coach might ask another unexpected question: “So, what did you learn as you talked about that today?” This question is crucial for “external processors,” people who think while they talk, but it also helps “internal processors,” people who think before they make a peep!
Unlike a doctor’s visit where we get a prescription at the end of the time, a coaching session may only end with a suggestion to think more about what came up during your visit. Perhaps you’ll be asked to journal on the topic, or read something, or ask a couple of friends what they see in your life.
That’s the most surprising thing about life coaching. The majority of the work and discovery happens between coaching sessions!
As you think about this, you might have some resistance to you doing all the talking. So often, we’re looking for someone just to tell us what to do. But when it comes down to the most important things in your life, influenced by your values and your passions, you really don’t want to “adopt” someone else’s desires for your life. You want what’s most meaningful to you.
And that’s what life coaching seeks to give you. You get meaningfulness and life transformation while your coach listens and asks the questions to help you get here.
To understand the difference between a Coach, Consultant, and Counselor, please see my article by that title here:
https://bruce-stopher.medium.com/coach-consultant-counselor-bab885f7ea70