Name-Calling
Perhaps Not the Same as Labeling
In 1862, an African Methodist Episcopal Church published what they then called “an old adage” rhyme: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me.”
I sang it in my childhood 100 years later, although I remember it as “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
A little research shows that this quaint rhyme is known across the English-speaking world and frequently used in primary school playgrounds as a response to verbal bullying.
Later in my life, the Who would sing a song with referring to “sticks and stones” in 1981. Tracy Lawrence would sing about “sticks and stones” in 2012, and Dave Chappelle wrote and performed a comedy show called “Sticks and Stones” in 2019.
The idea of sticks and stones (physical violence) verses name-calling has been around for a long time. Which also means that verbal bullying has been around at least a little longer.
Today, we seem to use the world label as a synonymous idea for name-calling. How many times have you heard someone say, “Don’t label me”?
Urban Dictionary states that “labeling” refers mocking someone as an outcast or for “thinking outside the box.” However, today the term has gone mainstream and is being used by “everyday” people.
Verbal bullying, often through name-calling, is a problem across the globe (yes, there’s even verbal bullying in Third World countries). Yet, there is an appropriate time and place to use labels. We shouldn’t reject “labels” outright.
I immediately think of people who are addicted to alcohol, like my own father was. He never got to the point where he could admit that he was an alcoholic. And with accepting that label, he never sought to change his life for the better. So, he kept drinking and verbally abusing and physically beating his family (here comes another label — “child abuser”).
Some of these labels are put on us by others. Some of them we adopt for ourselves. What makes the difference is how the label is perceived. Is it meant to help me (which a label often does), or harm me (as the nursery rhyme implies)?
I accept the label of “adult child of an alcoholic” to help me navigate life among my drinking friends. If I merely mention the term, they understand that offering me a drink could lead to problems down the road. And I appreciate them understanding that this label isn’t negative; it helps them understand who I am and how I choose to live.
The American Addictions Center says that labels used correctly empower us.[1] Many motivational speakers use the idea of positive affirmations that include labels to help people change their mindset. It cold be something as simple as saying, “I am remarkable.” In this case, the term “remarkable” is a label. We just don’t recognize it as such because we’ve come to think that labels have to point out the negative.
It’s not being labeled, or labeling yourself, that’s the problem. It’s choosing to believe if the label is true about you. It might be a negative label — “I’m alcoholic” — that helps you make changes in your life to be better. It might be a positive label — “I have a life worth living” — that continues to press you into a better life.
Don’t be afraid of labels. Choose a few for yourself, and maybe even allow your closest friends to help you find some. Then work to become or grow into those labels. As W.C. Fields (1880–1946) once said, “It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.”
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Many of you may not know who W. C. Fields was. Here’s his Diner Sketch from 1941. Take some time to count how many names and labels are included in under six minutes!
[1] American Addiction Centers. Accessed on 14 January 2021 at: https://alcoholrehab.com/alcohol-recovery/aftercare/recovering-alcoholic-or-recovered-alcoholic/